Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
