id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
