a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
