In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
