See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
