Jerry, you need to find god
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
