the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
