why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
