then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
