There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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