I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
