So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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