well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
