that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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