Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
