I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
