oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
