We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
