Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
