i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just crazy horny about you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
