I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
