i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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