I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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