ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
