I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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