My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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