You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
