I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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