The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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