guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
