He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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