Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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