Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
