dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
