i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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