woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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