I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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