i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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