On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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