jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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