Soap is not a condiment
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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