If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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