is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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