I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
