A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
