Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
tell me about the eggs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
