Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
