just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
