You're completely useless in the revolution.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
