I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
