Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
being pregnant is like rehab
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
