i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
