theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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